1. On page seventy-one, Jude observes that her husband accused her of being a helicopter parent, all noise and movement, hovering too close to her children, but if that were true, he was a satellite, positioned so far up in the sky he needed a telescope to track the goings-on in his own home.
How does this sentence illustrate Jude’s view of motherhood?
Is she right?
Is Miles unaware of what’s going on in his children’s lives?
How does Jude render Miles ineffective and what is the price for that?
2. Jude seems to make all the rules for her children.
Why does she ignore Miles’s suggestions and advice? Why does he let her?
Why does she ignore Miles’s suggestions and advice? Why does he let her?
3. For years, Jude promised her children that they could “tell her anything, that she would pick them up at night with no questions asked.” But when put to the test, she fails.
Can you understand why she disciplined her children for drinking?
What would you have done?
3 comments:
*gah* Miles' character drove me nuts because he wouldn't stand up to her and what she was doing, especially when it came to Grace. In my opinion, he failed just as much as Jude because, like her, he didn't make the mental health of the kids the priority. Zach and Grace should have been priority #1 in my book.
I don't necessarily agree that she failed when she picked them up. At the time, she told them that she was proud of them for calling, but yes, they still did something wrong and deserved to be punished for that. Again, this is one of those HUGE catch-22's for a parent of teenagers. The only way to win in this situation is to have them follow the rules and we ALL know that is just not realistic. I don't know of a single person who didn't drink before they were 21... *sigh* This book gives me nightmares as a parent of a teenager!
I don't think Miles was a satellite by any means but Jude's whole identity was wrapped up in being a Mom to the twins whereas Miles saw himself as more than just a parent. I guess Miles didn't stand up to Jude because he knew that was her "everything." He had a career and saw himself as a husband but Jude saw herself as a mother over everything else. I think Miles was very aware of what was going on, but when it came to child-rearing he let Jude have the control because raising them was her career.
I agree with Christi that she didn't fail the test when they called the first time. However, she should not have been so naive to think they weren't drinking. I probably would have done the same thing. It's such a fine line with teenagers.
I think Jude was trying to live vicariously through the twins. By trying to be the opposite of her own mother, she made her own life revolve completely around being a mother. I agree that Miles was very aware of what was going on but didn't want to get in his wife's way. I do wish there was a little backstory for Miles.
I think Jude acted appropriately for her family, but that by disciplining the twins the way she did, it may have made them afraid to go to her. Yes, the drinking was wrong, but the calling her was right. The situation isn't something you can predict until you've been in it, though.
Yes, I have been there. My daughter drank, and while I was not happy about that, I was very proud of her for calling me for a ride home and NOT getting into a car with one of her friends. We had a LOT of deep talks about it but I didn't ground her. Was it right or wrong? I don't know, but it worked and was the best for our family.
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